I was over at the inlaws the other day and decided I'd play around with some of the lighting in the backyard. I tried to explain to my father in law that I liked the sunlight reflecting off the freshly watered plants. I don't think that my explanation stuck. He still looked at me with a quizzical stare... I can't help it. Carrying a camera with me everywhere is just what I do. He graciously obliged though. He even watered plants for me so that I could photograph specific water drops in specific places... a little obsessive - yes.
No macro lens but had fun with this shot anyway. The sun in the teardrop is so cool and the bokeh's not bad either.
Speaking of tear-drops...
I didn't get the job I recently applied for. I'm mentioning that on here so that I don't have to confront those who were pulling for me and let them know that I don't "have enough experience"... Made it through two rounds of interviews but at the end of the road, I’m a new graduate and that’s not enough. It’s going to be a tough job-market out there for me since I'm kind of an anti-therapist in a therapist's world. But perhaps that’s a blogpost for another day...
For now I’m left deciding - (and this sounds like a question in a recent post) - Do I REALLY believe that God orchestrates decisions on Earth or do I just use him for comfort so that I don’t have to feel bad when things don’t go my way? Before the decision was made I spent a lot of time praying that God would land me where I could do the most good. I didn’t want the job if it meant I was NOT going to be used for God’s glory to my fullest potential. And I prayed that with the sincerest of hearts.
But now the rubber meets the road. Perhaps God is holding up his end of the bargain. Everything in me wants to say “This was perfect!! This was just the job I needed to get where I wanted to go!” And I guess I would be right... Where I wanted to go... I guess sometimes I forget that God has plans for me.
“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.” -Jer.29:11
The important part of that message is not what God can do for me... like a genie in a bottle. I want what I want and I want it now...
The message comes two verses later.
“You will seek me and you will find me when you seek me with all of your heart” -Jer.29:13
The future God has planned for me is revealed when I seek him with all of my heart. Not just the portion of the heart that says “I’ll do what you want and I’ll sing your praises but only if you follow the very detailed plan that I’ve laid out for myself.”
Who/What is it that I’m seeking anyway? That verse is assuming that I was even looking for God in the first place? Perhaps I was. I do sincerely believe that the prayer I prayed to be the greatest good was honest and heartfelt. So. This leaves me with where I am now. How can I use my current situation in order to really be the greatest good? What is it that God is calling me to in the everyday that he wants me to respond to?
Since I love leaving blogs with a question I think I’ll end it here. This is a question I could ask myself everyday and the answer would always be different. I can only pray that I would be willing to respond when the answer is revealed to me.
First, I'm sorry to hear you didn't get the job.
ReplyDeleteSecond, thank you for sharing. I'm not sure I've ever met anyone who hasn't struggled with the questions of whether he REALLY believes that God orchestrates decisions on Earth, and whether, even if that's true, what God has planned REALLY is the best for us. And what does the "best" even mean?
This is something I've struggled with for a long time. Yes, I think I do believe that God has a plan, and that it's the best plan there could be. But it's still frustrating to think you're doing the godly thing only to be thwarted or to have things not work out. I guess there's a lesson there. Maybe I'm still relying too much on my own abilities or plans or desires? God says to trust in him with ALL your heart. And no matter what I say or believe, I've found that's never easy.
Thanks again for your thoughts, Christina.
Sorry to hear about the job Christina. I'm in a similar boat as you. Not wanting to take just any job. Wanting to find something that is a good fit for me and that I can be the most help to others. But in this economy it's hard to be picky. I've applied for so many jobs without even an acknowledgement of applying, including Good Sam which is the most upsetting. After putting in all those hours, you'd think they'd at least offer me a courtesy interview. Makes me wonder if I was really as good as they kept telling me or if they were just telling me all that so I'd keep volunteering. Ugh.... I question God's plan as you do, but try to keep up the faith that his plan is better then the one that I have for myself; especially since my plan doesn't quite seem to be landing me a job yet.
ReplyDeleteKeep your head up!
-Shawnda
Oh the questions that no one could ever answer. It would be interesting to put this blog (with possibly a little more detail as to what the job specifically was) in a time capsule and return in 5 or 10 years and see what your thoughts are then. :)
ReplyDeletethat picture is beautiful. I'm sorry you did not get the job.
ReplyDeleteGorgeous shot...now, I wonder if you might look at positions in the corporate world. You mentioned that you're an anti-therapist and in a therapist world which works great for corporate development types of work. I have a psychology background and I work in Training and Development. I just thought of you so I thought I'd share...not sure that anyone is hiring.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, Christina. [Let me say this before I say anything else: This post did not pop up in my feed until now. At 9:45P. I'm sure it's not your blog, just my feed, but I'm really confused. And I wish I could have maybe said something in person? I wouldn't have if I thought that, in that moment, it might be a conversation you didn't want to have...] I am so so SO sorry. I know that even though you believe everything happens for a reason and that God has a plan, it really does suck when things don't turn out how we wish--even if we're open to the possibility of things falling through! This life is not easy, but I really feel as if you're wanted somewhere else. Because you are meant to do what you want to do. And if you want to be a counselor--in any capacity--it will happen.
ReplyDeleteI could keep writing, but I'll stop. :]
I love this shot! It's beautiful! I need to experiment with bokeh myself... i feel hindered by my lens somehow. I don't have macro.
ReplyDeleteI understand about the job part. I'm looking for one myself. So far it's been tough, a very promising offer was never offered finally. That was a little disappointing.
All the best! I'm sure something great will come up soon
Sorry friend. When I was dealing with this all last year, God and I had to come to an agreement that in order to obey Him in the interim, I had to decide to be joy-filled regardless. (Not that I don't think you are, it's just what my personal experience taught me.) I've had many things happen in the past 8 months that lead me to believe God is an amazingly smart orchestrator if we're willing to listen. Like when we made the tough decision after prayer to move back home in December, and then found out we were pregnant on the way back to WA. That was God's mercies on us, no doubt! Keep your head up! He's got something perfect for you, I know it!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about your job possibility. I've had the opposite problem with many many opportunities closer to home... forced to get my masters to renew my license, but then too qualified to get a job. Guess we need to stay right in the middle? Annoying. ;)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful picture! Did you post which camera you ended up buying? I need a new one, and can't decide... too many to choose from. Yours does a great job! :)
What a perfect shot.
ReplyDeleteYou'll find something better. Don't worry.
~ Jo's Precious Thoughts ~
This is a beautiful photo, love the star burst on the water drop and the composition is wonderful, beautiful bokeh!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you didn't get the job you were after, but maybe it's a blessing in disguise. Maybe it wasn't the right fit after all and you'll persevere and find something that's an even better opportunity.
I'm not sure if God orchestrates things on earth but I know if you fight for what you want and need eventually it'll work out. Good luck and keep your head up!
God has recently been teaching me how to trust him day by day. Instead of getting caught up with the big questions - 'how do I tell people about Jesus?', 'what's going to happen with my future?' he has been teaching me to come to him daily and just listen to what HE is telling me to do, rather than what I THINK he is telling me to do.
ReplyDeleteI could write an essay of a comment about how good and gracious God has been as I continue to learn these lessons...!
I'm sorry you didn't get the job but I hope you can look back in the future and see how God is using the situation.
I have really enjoyed reading your blog. I'll be back! :)
Rachel @ www.vicarswifeintraining.blogspot.com
oh girl. thank you for posting - tis a good reminder. i find out tomorrow whether or not God wants me at a new job or not, so being reminded that He'll place me where HE wants me is very comforting right now!
ReplyDelete